Hole Punch

I was recently asked how I was doing. For whatever reason sometimes that is a difficult question as a pastor to answer, even if it is answering the question for myself. I am usually the one asking people how they are doing. I'm the one praying for others and walking through difficult seasons with them. And here I am needing to be honest and articulate how I am doing.

I contemplated how I was doing and I described that I felt numb to any and all emotion, but I also felt like my heart had holes that had been punched in it like a hole punch pokes holes in a piece of paper. This season myself and several others around me have been faced with some heavy and tragic news. It seems like everywhere I turn there is something else really heavy or sad. My friend and teammate just passed away a couple weeks ago. My sister in-law was in a drive by shooting (she's ok). I have someone close to me that lost her son. I have people all around me praying for health or health in their family. It seems like there are marriages that are literally crumbling everywhere. There are so many people that just hate each other right now it feels like. Each day for the past couple months there is someone else with a COVID scare. My wife and I just had our first baby and it has been anything but easy (we love him and everything is ok, it's all just so new). You know, it's just been really sad and heavy.

I don't write this to say that nothing positive is happening, because there are a lot of really good things right now in my life. I don't write this so that I or any one else can feel sorry for me. I also don't write this to minimize or compare what anyone else may be feeling. I write this to acknowledge how I feel and also to share what I am learning and how I am making it through this season.

I mentioned that right now it feels like my heart has holes punched in it right now because of all the pain. I had this thought the other night and so I share it with you here. We often punch holes in a piece of paper so that we can attach the piece of paper to a binder or a string. God gave me this reminder that maybe the holes punched in my heart are there so that I can be attached to something. And that something is HIM. Right now maybe the pain I am feeling, the anxious thoughts, the fear, are the holes in my heart so that I can be attached to HIM. If a piece of paper is not attached to the string or the binder then that page can and more than likely will be lost, trampled on, or thrown away. If I am not attached to him then I too can be lost trying to do life my own way, dealing with my pain by going to some type of coping mechanism that is probably not healthy. But, if I am attached to HIM, meaning I am leaning on HIM for strength in this season then I get to become part of HIS story for my life instead of my own.

If you can relate to what I am writing here, I hope you too can find comfort in knowing that God loves you. Pain is only temporary here on earth. If you believe in God and that he sent his son Jesus to die for your sins then you will get to experience no pain one day when you go into eternity. I don't believe that God wanted us to experience pain, but because of sin we do. So, what if now, the pain helps us to lean on God even more?

So, here are the two verses for me to remember in this season.

1. John 15:4 NLT

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

2. James 1:2-4 NLT

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.