3 Steps to Building a Relationship

Every Thursday the team I serve on with Life.Church practices communication. Recently we started working through the three C’s of communication: Conviction, Clarity and Content. For the topic of conviction we had fun debates about silly topics like which way the toilet paper should be, pirates vs. ninjas, and running vs. cycling. The goal was to debate whichever side we were on and communicate conviction and whoever did the best job with the argument won. For the topic of clarity we are practicing how to do something clearly step by step. The goal is that we can teach each other something interesting and we could walk out and be able to do whatever that person just communicated. We aren’t there yet, but for content we will practice delivering something like a TED talk.

For clarity my topic is how to build a relationship. In an effort to teach or talk about how to do this I came up with hopefully and easy way to remember how. With that being said here are the three points.

To build a relationship you need to consider these three points before you begin. You have to initiate, cultivate, and luxuriate to build a healthy and fun relationship.

The first step to beginning a relationship is you have to initiate. Initiating a relationship can be finding a commonality you share with the individual you are interested in a having a relationship with. Often times there are people in our circles of friends or co-workers that we know of that may share an interest with us. So to begin you would use that commonality to begin a conversation. If you are meeting someone for the first time complimenting something someone is wearing or the way someone looks can cause someone to stop long enough for you to ask a follow-up question like, where did you get that, or how did you do that? In the initation phase it is usually a good idea to indroduce yourself and give some context to who you are and why you are initiating this conversation. For example, my name is Ryan Westrup and I’m one of the pastors here. I haven’t met you before. How long have you been coming to church here? After introducing yourself I like to recommend asking several follow-up questions. This gives you an opportunity to find out if you share any common interests or if they give you enough information to ask more follow-up questions. If you are a guy interested in a lady it is always a a good idea to show interest by asking questions before you ever start talking about yourself.

After getting through the first point of initiating a relationship your second step is to cultivate the relationship. This is accomplished by being interested in the other person. You can continue to get to know them, by asking them more questions based upon the information they gave you during the initiation phase. Cultivating a relationship can involve texting or calling them to let them know you were thinking about them or are praying for them. You can also show care or express your appreciation by getting them a gift they like, encouraging them, or just by asking to spend time with them. Cultivating a relationship can take some time or it can be a little quicker depending on if the other person reciprocates effort.

The third and final step is to luxuriate the relationship. Luxuriating a relationship is enjoying it, reveling or basking in it. This involves letting the relationship make you a better person. Enjoy doing activities together. You can go to dinners, coffees, and events together in this phase. The most important thing is to begin doing life together.

This is how to build a relationship. It’s simple, but not easy. It always takes a little work, but the benefits always win.